We are adopting from the country of Bulgaria, we do not have a back up country. There is always a chance that countries may close down their international adoption at anytime. There could be changes in leadership or war could break out or they could just decide to close it down, due to political unrest. We figured if this happens we will re-evaluate at that time. It would depend on were we are in the process, if we had already met our child(ren) we might try to wait things out in hopes that the country may open up again. If we haven't met our child(ren), especially if we have not got a referral yet, we would possible look into another country. We feel very strongly that Bulgaria is where we are suppose to be looking and we have faith that everything will work out.
We are looking for two children either related or non-related. We want one to be a girl due to the fact we already have two boys, but the other child we don't care if they are boy or girl. We want as young as possible, but are willing to take up through age 5. Typically there are not any children available under 18 months. Though part of the reason we chose Bulgaria was because the people there tend to be more Caucasian. Ethnicity doesn't really matter to us. Bulgaria mainly has Caucasian, Asian, and Roma (also known as Gypsy) or mixed. The children already have to adjust to a lot of things being adopted internationally, so we just wanted to make that a little easier for them. We live in a very Caucasian community and we felt it would be helpful for the child to adjust easier if they fit in ethnicity wise.
We are prepared to adopt two children with mild or no special needs. Or we could handle one child with moderate special needs if the other is without special needs.We are not prepared for self-mutilating, or seriously aggressive behaviors, nor could we handle children who are not expected to live independent adult lives. (no autism or down-syndrome) I know that people who have children with these special needs may never wish it to be different, but I also know that it is not something they would wish on someone else if they had the choice. We know that doctors over there are not as thorough as here in the states and so something like autism may be overlooked, and of course we would still keep and love our child no matter what unexpected challenges may come. You can never guarantee a completely healthy child even if you gave birth to them. It is no different for adoption.
We hope to adopt happy children who love being around other children. Children who may be intellectually behind their peers, but are expected to function independently as adults. Physically we expect them to walk and do normal everyday activities for their age.
We are willing to take children with special needs that are either correctable or mildly manageable. Things like cleft-pallet, birthmarks, club foot, eczema, hernia, funnel/pigeon breast, microtia/ atresia, and more.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Home Study
Family reunions, soccer, Activity days, vacation planning, getting ready for school, everyday life, minor fender-bender, and on top of it all starting our home study; which in tales a lot of paperwork collecting, paperwork organizing, home visits, a lot of emailing, driving and don't forget the 10 hours of parent training that we have to do together. I never realized how little time we have alone together until now, as we are trying to find time to do our parent training packet. Wow August has been crazy busy! This may be the reason why I have not updated this blog yet this month.
We started the month out with our first home visit. I had read a few things on what to expect and then I listened to a podcast by creating a family on the home study. They pointed out that the home visit is not so much about how your home looks so don't stress over that so much. So I made sure it was about as clean as I would normally make it when guest come over, meaning the common areas and bathrooms are clean, but the kids bedrooms are not. It's clean, but it still looks like we live here, not a model home. They are more interested in us not our home. Yes they check to make sure you have room for another child or children and that the home is a safe environment for children, but it is not the main focus of a home study. I think because it is called a "home" study people get the idea that it is all about the house. It's not! maybe if we think of it this way, "A house is made of walls and beams, a home is where love resides, memories are created and family is forever" This is not a house study it is a home study.
In our first visit we were asked questions about our families and life growing up. Where we fell in birth order, who our siblings are, how old they are, what their occupations are, were we religious, how were we disciplined, what was and is your relationship with our parents, what traditions we had, and things like that. The second visit we got asked about our marriage, and parenting styles. how did we meet, what do we like in our spouse, how do we make decisions together, what are our values we want to teach our children, how do we discipline, what do we like to do in our spare time. Really not hard if you already have opinions on these sort of things. It is also nice to here good things about yourself coming from your spouse even if you have already heard it before. We also talked about how many children we want to adopt, about special needs we are willing to take on, ages and genders of children we want. I plan on making a post on it's own of what type of child(ren) we are hoping for.
Now that said there are a lot of other paperwork that goes into the home study to name a few: birth certificates, marriage certificates, letters from doctors, employers, and 4 references of our choosing within certain guidelines, tax return info, W-2's, and questionnaires from our massive parenting training manual. Oh and finger printing, which should get done first, because it take a while to get back. We lucked out on the finger printing cost, our police station does it for free for all city residents. It's not much anyway, but every little bit helps, right?
After we started collecting all these different things we realized we needed even more of them for the dossier so we have had to reorder things, which has added time and a little more money. I know I read this in books and on blogs before I got started, but it did not sink in. You do your home-study first, then the dossier, but you should look ahead to the dossier requirements so you only have to order some of these things once. Then when it's time to do the dossier you will have part of the paper work ready to go.
Where are we at now? We need to have a few papers notarized and mailed off, but once that is done we should only have a few more things to do before our home-study, Doctor's notes and parenting training questions. I'm hoping everything will be done for sure by the middle of September, that is in about 4 weeks. We leave for a week vacation in two weeks from today. My hope is to have it finish the week after that. We still haven't made our doctors appointments so that will take some time, depending on how fast they can get us in. I do have some scheduled for my kids, but not until the week we get back from our vacation. I'm tying it in with my kids yearly check-ups and they will not do those until just after their birthdays which are September 4th and 7th.
I also decided it was time to get my passport. Rob already has one that he renewed back in December or January, but I've never had one. I sent it in two weeks ago and they told me that I should get my birth certificate back in about two weeks and the passport in about 3-4 weeks. well I got the passport back in two weeks (Friday) and I'm still waiting for my birth certificate.
We are leaving on a vacation in two weeks that we've had planned for about a 1 1/2 years. Some might wonder why we are spending money on going to Legoland and Disneyland, when we are trying to save up for an adoption. All I can say is the vacation was in the works first, it was a way of rewarding ourselves for meeting some financial goals we had, and we will not be spending much on vacations, if anything, the next several years.
We are slowly but surely moving along. Even though we have read some upsetting or hard things about children living in orphanages and what those things may mean for us when they come home, we are still excited for this to continue. Nothing has scared us off yet, and of course we don't expect that happening.
We started the month out with our first home visit. I had read a few things on what to expect and then I listened to a podcast by creating a family on the home study. They pointed out that the home visit is not so much about how your home looks so don't stress over that so much. So I made sure it was about as clean as I would normally make it when guest come over, meaning the common areas and bathrooms are clean, but the kids bedrooms are not. It's clean, but it still looks like we live here, not a model home. They are more interested in us not our home. Yes they check to make sure you have room for another child or children and that the home is a safe environment for children, but it is not the main focus of a home study. I think because it is called a "home" study people get the idea that it is all about the house. It's not! maybe if we think of it this way, "A house is made of walls and beams, a home is where love resides, memories are created and family is forever" This is not a house study it is a home study.
In our first visit we were asked questions about our families and life growing up. Where we fell in birth order, who our siblings are, how old they are, what their occupations are, were we religious, how were we disciplined, what was and is your relationship with our parents, what traditions we had, and things like that. The second visit we got asked about our marriage, and parenting styles. how did we meet, what do we like in our spouse, how do we make decisions together, what are our values we want to teach our children, how do we discipline, what do we like to do in our spare time. Really not hard if you already have opinions on these sort of things. It is also nice to here good things about yourself coming from your spouse even if you have already heard it before. We also talked about how many children we want to adopt, about special needs we are willing to take on, ages and genders of children we want. I plan on making a post on it's own of what type of child(ren) we are hoping for.
Now that said there are a lot of other paperwork that goes into the home study to name a few: birth certificates, marriage certificates, letters from doctors, employers, and 4 references of our choosing within certain guidelines, tax return info, W-2's, and questionnaires from our massive parenting training manual. Oh and finger printing, which should get done first, because it take a while to get back. We lucked out on the finger printing cost, our police station does it for free for all city residents. It's not much anyway, but every little bit helps, right?
After we started collecting all these different things we realized we needed even more of them for the dossier so we have had to reorder things, which has added time and a little more money. I know I read this in books and on blogs before I got started, but it did not sink in. You do your home-study first, then the dossier, but you should look ahead to the dossier requirements so you only have to order some of these things once. Then when it's time to do the dossier you will have part of the paper work ready to go.
Where are we at now? We need to have a few papers notarized and mailed off, but once that is done we should only have a few more things to do before our home-study, Doctor's notes and parenting training questions. I'm hoping everything will be done for sure by the middle of September, that is in about 4 weeks. We leave for a week vacation in two weeks from today. My hope is to have it finish the week after that. We still haven't made our doctors appointments so that will take some time, depending on how fast they can get us in. I do have some scheduled for my kids, but not until the week we get back from our vacation. I'm tying it in with my kids yearly check-ups and they will not do those until just after their birthdays which are September 4th and 7th.
I also decided it was time to get my passport. Rob already has one that he renewed back in December or January, but I've never had one. I sent it in two weeks ago and they told me that I should get my birth certificate back in about two weeks and the passport in about 3-4 weeks. well I got the passport back in two weeks (Friday) and I'm still waiting for my birth certificate.
We are leaving on a vacation in two weeks that we've had planned for about a 1 1/2 years. Some might wonder why we are spending money on going to Legoland and Disneyland, when we are trying to save up for an adoption. All I can say is the vacation was in the works first, it was a way of rewarding ourselves for meeting some financial goals we had, and we will not be spending much on vacations, if anything, the next several years.
We are slowly but surely moving along. Even though we have read some upsetting or hard things about children living in orphanages and what those things may mean for us when they come home, we are still excited for this to continue. Nothing has scared us off yet, and of course we don't expect that happening.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Lets Get This Party Started!
It only took nearly 4 weeks. We finally got our contract with first payment sent in and the home-study application and fee. YAY!
when we received our home-study application the first page was messed up and we could not read some of the stuff we needed to fill out. After two emails to the agency asking for a digital copy emailed to us nothing happened. The following Saturday we went to the WIA annual picnic and had two people promise to get the new page sent to us the following Monday. Still nothing happened, but we were busy that week with 4th of July family fun, so I waited until this past Tuesday to try emailing once more and BAM! not even ten minutes later I had a response with the paper work.
I had also asked about the post adoption payments because we were still unclear on how much they were and when we were to pay that payment. Turns out the $300 per report per child cost I thought we were going to have to pay does not apply to us because we are clients of WIA. So our fee will be $1000 per child. we also don't have to pay that until later.
I feel like maybe we are really getting started. The very few people I have talked to about us adopting have asked what stage we are at. Are you done with your home-study yet? thinking the home-study being the first stage. "Oh, well, um, we are at the home-study application stage" like that is a stage of its own. If it took four weeks for everyone to get that done maybe it would be it's own stage. I know this is a long process, but I feel we are moving slow even for what is expected. I'm ready to tell people we are at the home-study stage. lets get this party started already!
We also received a CD this week with a list of some? most? a lot of special needs out there that these adoptable children may have. It had descriptions and treatments of each one. We went through that and learned about a lot of things we never heard of before and some that we have heard of. We made a list of what ones we felt we could handle taking on. Do you know how hard that is? You go into it knowing you should only pick what you think you can handle, but learning what some of these children suffer makes you feel like a horrible person for not being willing to take on someone in so much need. We stuck to our plan though and only listed special needs we feel like we can take on. After all would we really be helping anyone if we took on more then that?
Now on to the fun stuff. WIA has an annual picnic every year and it just so happened to be a few weeks after we applied. It was really nice to get to meet some of these people we will be corresponding with, online, in person. WIA helps with adoption through several different countries, there were not many people there that adopted from Bulgaria. Apparently most that do go through WIA are from out of state. One of the ladies we met works for WIA and has adopted an older son with autism from Bulgaria. Another one that was there adopted a 2 year old(now 5) three years ago. It was good to finally meet some one who not only has adopted internationally, but from Bulgaria. We were not sure what to ask, but she shared some of her story and it just made me even more excited to be on this journey.
when we received our home-study application the first page was messed up and we could not read some of the stuff we needed to fill out. After two emails to the agency asking for a digital copy emailed to us nothing happened. The following Saturday we went to the WIA annual picnic and had two people promise to get the new page sent to us the following Monday. Still nothing happened, but we were busy that week with 4th of July family fun, so I waited until this past Tuesday to try emailing once more and BAM! not even ten minutes later I had a response with the paper work.
I had also asked about the post adoption payments because we were still unclear on how much they were and when we were to pay that payment. Turns out the $300 per report per child cost I thought we were going to have to pay does not apply to us because we are clients of WIA. So our fee will be $1000 per child. we also don't have to pay that until later.
I feel like maybe we are really getting started. The very few people I have talked to about us adopting have asked what stage we are at. Are you done with your home-study yet? thinking the home-study being the first stage. "Oh, well, um, we are at the home-study application stage" like that is a stage of its own. If it took four weeks for everyone to get that done maybe it would be it's own stage. I know this is a long process, but I feel we are moving slow even for what is expected. I'm ready to tell people we are at the home-study stage. lets get this party started already!
We also received a CD this week with a list of some? most? a lot of special needs out there that these adoptable children may have. It had descriptions and treatments of each one. We went through that and learned about a lot of things we never heard of before and some that we have heard of. We made a list of what ones we felt we could handle taking on. Do you know how hard that is? You go into it knowing you should only pick what you think you can handle, but learning what some of these children suffer makes you feel like a horrible person for not being willing to take on someone in so much need. We stuck to our plan though and only listed special needs we feel like we can take on. After all would we really be helping anyone if we took on more then that?
Now on to the fun stuff. WIA has an annual picnic every year and it just so happened to be a few weeks after we applied. It was really nice to get to meet some of these people we will be corresponding with, online, in person. WIA helps with adoption through several different countries, there were not many people there that adopted from Bulgaria. Apparently most that do go through WIA are from out of state. One of the ladies we met works for WIA and has adopted an older son with autism from Bulgaria. Another one that was there adopted a 2 year old(now 5) three years ago. It was good to finally meet some one who not only has adopted internationally, but from Bulgaria. We were not sure what to ask, but she shared some of her story and it just made me even more excited to be on this journey.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
The First Steps
We turned in our application to Wasatch International Adoption (WIA) and are accepted. we got this thick package in the mail that had two copies of the contract with them also a home-study agreement and post placement agreement. The contract was held together with a screw, not a staple, if that explains how thick it was.
One thing we had to do was set up a FedEx account to have all paperwork sent back and forth with the agency.
The contract had about 13 different parts we had to sign and have notarized, plus the two agreements and duplicates. We took care of that today at our credit union, I was so glad to find out our credit Union offered this free service of notarizing for members. We signed both copies just in case something goes wrong and it gets lost. The poor notary had no idea what hit her. I warned her this was just the beginning and we will be back over the next few months with more. She said as we left "I'll be happy if I don't have to sign my name again the rest of the day." we had walked in about 10 min after they opened. haha!
We also got a home-study application with the packet, which is just a more detailed version of the original application to the agency. We are having an issue with that form though, it has boxes with heading of what to write in each box, like; name, address, city, state, etc. Well on the first page all those headings are in the first box of every row, some we can make out, but some rows are just impossible to tell what they want. We emailed someone last Thursday about it and asked for a digital copy to be sent of just the first page. We thought we got a response on Saturday, but it was just an email wanting some clarification on some things on our original application. So when we responded to that, Sunday, we asked again for the first page and still have not received an answer, as of this writing.
Just a few bumps already, nothing major. We will be sending in our first payments when we send back these forms. It was a little more then expected (okay like about 50% more) because I didn't realize they were going to want the money for the post adoption reports so soon, I thought that would come around the time of referral or later. Bulgaria requires post adoption reports every six months for two years after placement, so 4. We have to turn in $300 for each report for each child. sense we don't know if we are going to adopt one or two children we are sending in enough to cover two. If we end up with only one child that money will be refunded to us.
The contract had about 13 different parts we had to sign and have notarized, plus the two agreements and duplicates. We took care of that today at our credit union, I was so glad to find out our credit Union offered this free service of notarizing for members. We signed both copies just in case something goes wrong and it gets lost. The poor notary had no idea what hit her. I warned her this was just the beginning and we will be back over the next few months with more. She said as we left "I'll be happy if I don't have to sign my name again the rest of the day." we had walked in about 10 min after they opened. haha!
We also got a home-study application with the packet, which is just a more detailed version of the original application to the agency. We are having an issue with that form though, it has boxes with heading of what to write in each box, like; name, address, city, state, etc. Well on the first page all those headings are in the first box of every row, some we can make out, but some rows are just impossible to tell what they want. We emailed someone last Thursday about it and asked for a digital copy to be sent of just the first page. We thought we got a response on Saturday, but it was just an email wanting some clarification on some things on our original application. So when we responded to that, Sunday, we asked again for the first page and still have not received an answer, as of this writing.
Just a few bumps already, nothing major. We will be sending in our first payments when we send back these forms. It was a little more then expected (okay like about 50% more) because I didn't realize they were going to want the money for the post adoption reports so soon, I thought that would come around the time of referral or later. Bulgaria requires post adoption reports every six months for two years after placement, so 4. We have to turn in $300 for each report for each child. sense we don't know if we are going to adopt one or two children we are sending in enough to cover two. If we end up with only one child that money will be refunded to us.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Why the Decline in International Adoption?
I came across this article, by John M. Simmons, in the Huffington Post the other day and I just want to scream it across roof tops. It resonated so much with me. There are a few topics out there that people tend to have very strong opinions on and adoption is one of them. This day in age people don't hesitate to speak those strong opinions over the internet, while hiding behind their computers where no one can see them. I've been guilty of this as well. So please don't leave your negative opinions. I'm sure I've heard or read them before.They will not change our mind about adopting. If you cant say anything nice don't say it at all or your comment will be deleted.
This whole article resonated with me, but the part I wanted to talk about today was in the last part of the article when he says:
I came to this realization about a year and a half ago. It came in more of a "seize the day" sort of way. "Start going out there and living your life" sort of way. "Start doing hard things or your life will not be very fulfilling" sort of way. We know adoption will not be easy and we know that even preparing as much as possible there will be hard things we don't know about, but we also know that eventually it will be a fulfilling and happy life (not perfect). I true believe that. We are not afraid to do hard things. But with that being said we still need a support system to help us through this just like anyone who goes through hard things in their lives. So please be apart of our village and help use bring home our child(ren).
This whole article resonated with me, but the part I wanted to talk about today was in the last part of the article when he says:
I want people to do things that are hard. The most difficult things I have done in my life have been the best things I ever did. They are also the things that have eventually brought me the most happiness.
I came to this realization about a year and a half ago. It came in more of a "seize the day" sort of way. "Start going out there and living your life" sort of way. "Start doing hard things or your life will not be very fulfilling" sort of way. We know adoption will not be easy and we know that even preparing as much as possible there will be hard things we don't know about, but we also know that eventually it will be a fulfilling and happy life (not perfect). I true believe that. We are not afraid to do hard things. But with that being said we still need a support system to help us through this just like anyone who goes through hard things in their lives. So please be apart of our village and help use bring home our child(ren).
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